Interview from Hell

Everyone remembers the first interview. The stories of those people, who passed an interview, resemble the Middle Age sagas, in which the knights had to fight with cunning and insidious monsters. People very gladly share their success stories, but the history is silent concerning the failures. As a rule, only the storytellers tell amusing, sarcastic anecdotes about different faux pas. Even if a person has not yet experienced this, he or she has to prepare beforehand. Stories depicting the failures do not add the spirit of courageousness as no one wants to make a bad first impression. This story will tell us about a young man who faced a serious problem during his first interview.

Everything seemed perfect. It was the day of John’s first interview. There were no signs of trouble. John knew that he had to meet with the man-interviewer. His suit was austere and continent, and it seemed to add him boldness and self-esteem. The man had already rehearsed all the answers to possible interview questions in front of a mirror and felt that this interview would be his sidereal time. “Everything is ideal, it cannot be true that every second interview is a failure,” he thought to himself. If only he had known what awaited him, he would never have gone to the interview and would never have recollected about it in the nightmares. John arrived 15 minutes earlier. He had enough time to relax and discern all around. The man was just about to enter the interview room when felt sick. “Maybe, I am all too nervous, or yesterday’s idea to eat hot pepper with meatballs was a disaster,” he thought. While searching for the restroom, John felt his stomach bubble, which made him run as fast as he could. He had no time to think about how he looked and what others would think about him. Now he had a more valuable purpose than even passing the interview successfully. The restroom had only one stall. Some people believe that a restroom is the best place for reflections. “How could this happen to me and why? I really want this position and I really want to work here, but my body does not allow me to do this. Moreover, my own organism discredits me. I cannot control this! Oh God, why can people control their behavior, emotions, acts and cannot control and manage their digestion?” John thought in despair. “I will never come to this interview, how can I explain my lateness? Sorry, I am late because I was sitting on your toilet because of indigestion while you had been waiting for me for all this time in the interview room. Besides, did you know Mr. Interviewer that your toilet is very comfortable? Thank you for the ability to feel at home,” John even smiled to himself. “Yes, probably every second interview is a failure. While I am experiencing a fiasco here, someone shines at another interview.” John could never imagine himself at a situation like this one. “I know that people fail during their first interview, because they are nervous, they have overslept, they are no business professionals, they get into some accidents, but I am here, in the same building where I am supposed to pass an interview with no ability to go out of the restroom.” His stomach bubbled even louder. “It is such a shame. What will I tell my friends about my first interview? I have to think up some reason of why I failed to come. I overslept. No, that is a bad idea. Everybody knows that I get up early in the morning and the interview had to be appointed at 3 a.m. for me to miss it. What else? I got into an accident. No, this is stupid. I should not joke with such things. What if I really get into an accident after such words? I have already suffered a lot from my fate and I am still suffering.” Suddenly John heard that someone was moving the door handle. “I think, when I believed it could not be even worse, the fate accepted these words as a challenge.” The handle started to move quicker, John set shocked and numb.

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At the same time, when John was thoughtfully raving against his fate, his interviewer, Mike Roach, after having waited for John Dorian, who was supposed to be the first interviewee, for 20 minutes, felt an extreme need to go to the restroom. “I really hope that the restroom is not occupied. I should ask our boss to reconstruct the restroom as it is just awful. There is only one stall in both male and female restrooms. When the female’s restroom is occupied, women use men’s restroom. They spend there so much time as if they do not have toilets in their own houses.” When Mike reached the restroom, much to his annoyance, it was occupied. “Damn, God, why are you so cruel to me?” Mike thought. “Alright, I will wait. What else can I do except waiting? If it is Martha using the men’s restroom to check her makeup again, I will fire her!” Mike seemed very angry. “Is there someone using the restroom?” Mike asked. John was so shocked hearing the voice of a man that he could not stifle and deter the sounds of his stomach. Mike heard bubbling of a stomach behind the doors. “Are you alright?” Mike asked and heard bubbling again. “How much time do you need to get out?” Mike asked and heard the serious and long bubbling. “I am talking with a stomach for the first time in my life and I clearly understand it. Even people do not express themselves so distinctly,” Mike thought.

John could neither move nor talk. “Oh my God, this is the voice of my interviewer, it is such a shame. He will easily recall me when I go out, as I sent my photo in the resume. I was allowed not to attach a photo. Damn, why did I do that? Oh, I did it to improve and strengthen my image. Surely, now I will improve it to such an extent that I will never get this position. I never rehearsed talking with my future boss with my stomach. It was my impromptu and it seems that it was a great success. It impressed him so much that he lost the gift of speech,” John thought. “I should at least say something, it is improper to talk with my interviewer, using the stomach language. Maybe I should patent this new invention?’ John smiled.

Mike was going crazy. “I do not know who is there, but the person seems to be persistent and committed to achieving all required objectives. On the other hand, maybe this presumably young man is just rude. Nope, if he were rude, he would have asked me to get out and leave him alone with his… let us say thoughts. He is there for such a long time. It is true that time goes differently on the two sides of one door. For those who are inside, it goes really fast, and they think that they have been inside for just a couple of minutes. However, for those who are outside, the time runs so slowly. I have been standing and waiting here for 5 minutes only, but it seems that I have stuck here for all my life!” Mike started walking around.

John tried to keep silence. “It seems that I am alright. Maybe it is about time to try to go out. My interviewer is still there as I can hear him walking around. If I get out of the stall as fast as I can, he might not notice me. Then I can call him again apologize for, for example, oversleeping, and maybe I will have one more chance. However, what if this place is a bad luck for me? What if I come to another interview and get in the same situation? What will I do then? I can at least try. If he sees me, it will be high time to think about changing the city of my residence. If he does not see me, it will mean that the fate have given me another chance.”

Mike tried to relax. “If this person does not get out of the stall during the next 30 minutes, I will knock out the doors and draw this person out myself, regardless of what he or she does there! This person should be ashamed of occupying the place of the first necessity for so long.” Mike was about to carry out his plan, when he recalled about the interview. “This poor John probably has already come and waits for me. I should call him and ask to wait for some time. He was late, possible he has a serious reason for being late, so I should at least show respect for this young man.” Mike took his mobile phone and dialed. In a couple of seconds, he heard a ringtone in the stall. “No way, it cannot be true! It cannot be him! At least, now I understand his excuse for lateness.”

Do you remember that previously John was shocked? After hearing that his phone started ringing and seeing that it was his interviewer, he got thunderstruck. “That is enough for me!” John thought and got out of the stall. “Nice to meet you, Sir! Sorry for my indigestion,” said John. “Let’s forget about this. You can come tomorrow. I give you another chance. This restroom somehow brought us together,” answered Mike. “Please, mind your dinner today,” added the interviewer and rushed to a stall.

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